One Year Wedding Anniversary…and 100th Bloggy Blog Post!!
Someone once said that the days flow through our lives like water through our hands. One year ago, we joined our two hearts into one life with the vows of marriage. From the beginning of our relationship, we have experienced the blur love in fast forward. From our first meeting just over two years ago and continuing to this day, life and love have moved fast. When we said our I-dos, we entered a vow that for whatever life brought our way that we would always meet back at that place in our hearts where we fell in love. And we have gone back to that place over and over.
The more we look back over what we have learned in the last year, the more one realizes that the metaphors and one-liners of advice people offer up in the months weeks and days leading up to this wedding-beginning usually are not true. The honeymoon stage lasts about as long a wink and a smile. Life can set in immediately. It usually does. Routines can ebb and flow, leading to nights where you are exhausted but cannot sleep. Days where you love each other but don’t want to share the apartment or starter home. This is life. It is beautiful, and painful. It moves beyond fast, yet excruciatingly slow. It is hilarious, and it is most definitely filled with tears of all kinds. This is marriage. This is how real life happens…here is what we now know.
Do things your way. From your wedding, to your house, to your priorities, well…to everything – do it your way. Not to say that you don’t need or should reject help along the way, but your life together has to be about the two of you. The pressure from the moment that the engagement occurs will be to listen to everyone – family, friends, co-workers, even strangers – all of whom are evidently experts on how to run your life. Now, to be fair – some advice is sage, but most of it is repetition of a thousand self-help books that lie in the bargain bin and your local mega-bookstore. We learned quickly that for us, the only direction we could possibly seek was that of a higher power and in that, we would stumble down this path of our future with hope.
The only opinion that matters is that of your spouse. No, really – it is something that (Bo speaking here) one must learn. As stated before, life is a blur, and it is entirely too short to worry about being right. Fights happen. We have had our share, usually because I (Bo, again) won’t shut up and think that a particular opinion must be heard at any cost. And it honestly never gets a husband (or a wife, in some of your cases) anywhere good. So, shut up and listen. Learn to fight for each other, even if it takes a million tries to get it right. Trust us.
Marriage is hard. The simple fact is that it never was a cakewalk. There is no buffer period, no honeymoon phase. Your bills seem triple instead of double. There isn’t enough closet space, and god forbid if you have to share a sink. We are a one-car family, so a traffic jam can lead to an argument. A family business had a tragic fire, so we accumulated a mountain of stress, capped with months of debt. Dreams can go left when you thought they would go straight ahead. And you will wake up some days, with the thought that there is not a chance that you have it in you to get out of bed and start your day. It is likely that you will think these and worse thoughts, and you love your spouse so much that you won’t want to spill your guts. And it will make communication hard and bring distance between you. But is it worth it? Absolutely. Because for every low point in marriage, for every shattering of your 60 year timeline – there is real life to be discovered. Because if you fight through all the muck of reality, you will realize that life together is sacred and full of adventure. See the first part of Pixar’s UP to understand this last sentence.
Really live, don’t just exist. We have all heard this before, but it is true. The fact is that the fairytale romance is probably unsustainable, so you have to ask yourselves – how do we want to live – truly live – our lives? Because it is not all about blueberry pancakes in bed, and the perfect cup of French pressed coffee. The sink is full of dishes as we write this, and there is a to-do list to be tackled. But we have learned that life together is about going beyond an mere existence together. This is the biggest challenge you will face. Marriage is not roommates who kiss each other goodnight, and share groceries. It is about forging a path, when there seems to be only dense forest on all sides. It is about creating together, adventuring together, laughing/talking/crying/screaming/silent communication together. It is about discovering each other, and that is a full spectrum of reality and supernatural revelations about each other. You can’t rest on your memories alone, because you only have a finite time to discover this infinitely complex and beautiful person you are bound to by love and life. Marriage is real, and the sooner you embrace it fully – the more amazing it can become.